I worked with a woman last night that annoyed me. I should have realized it upon our first encounter but I like to try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Throughout the shift, I was talking with another coworker about my travels and scuba diving stories. This other woman, who admitted she is scared of public transportation, kept telling me I am crazy and insane. “Oh my GOD if I saw a shark, I would just DIE! Not even shit myself. I would just DIE!” I told her I doubt she would see the shark because I doubt she could even get past the basic skills for scuba diving with that attitude. But when I mentioned any other places I visited, she said “oh I would NEVER do that! Why on earth would you go there?” I know not everyone understands why I love travel so much and the way I travel, but I felt insulted by her reactions. As if since she would not do the same, there was something wrong with someone else wanting to do it.

She was also loud. And she got mad when she thought my clients were listening in on her stories. I think people 3 floors down could listen to her stories.

I know. I should not judge nor allow her to bother me. I just really hope I do not have to work with her again over the next 3 months when I finish this contract. But next time, I plan to ask her to lower her voice.

Our first encounter was in the break room at the coffee machines. We have a Keurig machine and regular coffee pot in there. She entered and complained that no one made a pot of coffee. She was about to return to the main room to ask someone (rather than ask me) when I offered to make her a pot. “Oh you know how?” I guess she did not expect the new girl to know. So I made a pot and I showed her how. She said she doubts she will remember that next time she is here. (She only works here a few times a month.)  I felt she was lazy.

I mentioned that I do not like Keurig pods. She asked if the reason is due to the cost of them. I said “the cost. The waste. Many reasons.” She proceeded to tell me how they are great for single people like herself who only want a cup of coffee rather than making a whole pot. They are convenient. I did not go into a lecture of the waste of plastic nor the risks of the plastic seeping into the cup of coffee and causing cancer. Nor that using the pods is equal to spending $50 per pound of coffee. Again I thought she was lazy. How hard is it to make 1 or 2 cups in a pot of coffee? I just smiled, poured myself a cup, and thought of how society usually prefers quick and easy in so many areas of life.

And it got me thinking of my sobriety. How I want to just have more sober time. How I want to just get over this alcoholic thing. How I want to stop thinking of my problem finally. I want the convenience of not having an addiction. I want a quick and easy solution to this alcoholism.

*pause… went to an AA meeting…*

The first half hour of this meeting, I was bored. The meeting started with a guy saying he did the steps, he is having a rough time now, but he does not want to go through the steps again. The first few speakers talked about “work the steps” and the typical sayings I hear that suggest “do what we say or you will fail.” But then a guy started to speak about taking time to do the steps. And another guy said he has been sober 16 years and has not done all the steps yet. One guy said how back in the 1970s, people he met in AA were hardasses that shoved the steps down your throats. Now he thinks society is too much looking for a quick and easy fix so he suggests taking it slow. Just stay sober today. Another guy said he suggests the first step for the first year and then worry about the rest. He did not even have a sponsor for a year. I was so happy and amazed how the topic seemed to switch to WHAT MY BLOG was about today!

I left feeling good. Better than most of the meetings leave me feeling. I do not feel guilty for not going to daily meetings nor rushing to get a sponsor. There was one woman at the meeting and she gave me her number. She asked me if I had a sponsor and I said “not yet.” She replied “still feeling your way around and getting to know people?” I smiled and said “exactly.” She was the first woman who I felt did not pressure me. I told her how difficult it was to get to meetings because of my work schedule. She said she understood. She told me to give her a call if I ever wanted to go to a meeting together. Wow. Usually the women give me their number and say call if I need to talk and I always think “I have friends to call if I need to talk.” This woman was offering what I started going to meetings for: socializing support.

While I still need to work at staying sober, I need to stop rushing it. Sobriety is not fast food.

That crap is bad for you anyway.

Mistake # 72- I have a history of rushing relationships. I always said it was because I move around so much. I do not have the time to “take things slow” because I am never in one place long enough. But maybe my alcoholism rushed the relationships? Maybe I have always tried to do everything quick and easy?

This was from my journal July 2006 after dating a guy for 3 weeks. I will refer to him as Tall Boyfriend.

 

Last night I went to [Tall Boyfriend]’s friends BBQ. It was fun. We drank and hung out talking. I got along with everyone. Then [Tall Boyfriend] was feeling antsy to go to bars. I don’t understand the need to go out and pay for alcohol when we had tons of it there? I was comfortable and would have rather just stayed at the house. But instead of large group of us went to some bars. First place was a bit pricey. We all had one drink and then left to another of [Tall Boyfriend]’s hangouts. It was fun. At least I thought so. I took LOADS of photos of me and his friends. But… turns out I flashed the bar at one point. It apparently pissed off his friend. I didn’t realise this until he told me this morning. I asked him why she was pissed. He waited a bit before answering and said “oh I think just because she wasn’t center of attention.” But he seemed to be acting different today. Last night, he didn’t put his arms around me nor his legs over mine while sleeping like he usually does. I asked him this morning if he slept well, and he said “yes, and I know you definitely slept well!” He said I was trashed last night. Yes, I was, but I’ve been worse. The night he met me I was worse! So today we sat in his place while he played online and I did the dishes. I left my car at his friend’s place. My glasses were in my car. I took out my contacts during the night to avoid sleeping with them. So I was blind hanging out at his place. I just felt he was distant. Then when I asked him what time we are going to the marina to watch the fireworks, he tells me after 8 because he has a BBQ to go to that was RSVP only and he was invited before he met me so I can’t go with him. Sounds reasonable. But why didn’t he tell me about this BBQ when I asked him the other day if we were gonna spend the 4th together? To me it sounds like it was someone who was out with us last night and doesn’t want me there. So I feel I have already screwed up by making some of his friends not like me.

We went to his car to take me to mine, but his starter wasn’t turning over. So he got me a cab. He gave me a $20. I told him I felt like a cheap prostitute. I got the cab to my car. Got my glasses. And came home.

Work called and left a voice mail asking me to come work extra tonight. I texted [Tall Boyfriend] to tell him I might go in to give him time away from me before I annoy him too much. His reply was “That’s up to you. I know it sux this bbq was rsvp. what time would you go in.”

I replied back with just “11pm” That was 30 min ago and still no reply from him.

So he went from telling me the other day he was falling for me to pushing me away because… I’m not sure why. Because I flashed the bar and pissed off one of his friends?

I did not see my constant getting trashed nor rushing things as a problem back then. Flashing bars was normal?