My weekend trip was nice and I am glad I did it. It was a nice reunion with old friends. They are friends who are supportive of my sobriety and have been there for many of my drunk mistakes, including both of my DUIs. But I still felt they are either not 100% happy with my decision or they do not think this will be a permanent change.

The first day here, we all went out to lunch. We went to a Mexican place. Our friend that lives here drove. But once we got there, she asked if I would drive back so that she could drink with lunch. I was okay with that. I told her to drink up and enjoy since I could not. Everyone except me and the kids got tipsy.

Afterwards, we went to the beach. It was a great afternoon. I enjoyed playing with the kids and basking in the sun. We discussed all kinds of life problems for all of us from relationships to health. I felt most of my problems were based around my drinking. I also felt a bit selfish for relating so much to my alcoholism while my one friend discussed her separation and pending divorce. But I felt I was going through a divorce-of-sorts. I am trying to end my marriage of 20 years to alcohol.

That night, they picked up a two bottles of wine. I have stressed so much I am okay being around alcohol but I still felt slighted they did not ask if I minded. The smell of it was inviting. Their big glasses looked so much better than my pink lemonade. I kept bringing up lots of drunk stories more to remind myself than reveal to them how bad my problem is.

I was also showing them photos on my laptop of my travels but felt it was boring them. They insisted that they found them interesting. But I was worried they found my travel tales as boring as my sobriety. Can this girl still be the fun friend we loved without booze? It is like they knew I need to quit but doesn’t mean they will like the new me. I am too different now from the girl they meet 13 years ago. I am always going to strange lands including this new land of abstinence.

They never said anything negative about my new lifestyle. I was just paranoid. When I started to fall asleep by 11pm while they started to get tipsy, the criticism of being a party pooper hurt. I felt left out but so tired I did not care too much. They began to tease me for crashing out early and I started to growl that a sleepy me becomes bitchy me so leave me alone! They went out to the porch and drank until 2am.

At 8am, I was the first one awake. The oldest kid was awake too. I took her for a walk to let the adults with hangovers sleep in. Usually, I would have been searching for a dark corner to sleep off my hangover. I might have just been going to bed actually. I might have stayed up after everyone else and then sleep all day and skipped out on spending time with everyone. I have done that many times. Being life of the party at night used to come before most daytime plans. I thought of how happy I was to be sober during that morning walk.

I am glad this is only a weekend with these friends. I do not think I could resist the urge to not drink around them if we had reunions more often.

Mistake #96- I was meeting up with friends for a weekend camping trip in Joshua Tree National Park. We partied at the campground Friday night. I went to sleep around midnight to get up early the next morning. There were plans for a Saturday afternoon hike. When I woke up, I decided there was plenty of time for mimosas with breakfast. We sat around a camping grill outside my friend’s tent, cooking up eggs and bacon, while I kept pouring sparkling wine in everyone’s cups of juice.

I went back to my tent around 11am to get something. I was already drunk. As I crawled into my tent, it seemd very comfortable. I laid down. I passed out. I had my feet sticking out my tent while I fell asleep on my air mattress. A friend came by around 11:30 to get me for the hike. I told him to leave without me. I was too tired.

I missed all the fun daytime plans. I woke up just before sunset and started drinking again. I have been to Joshua Tree at least 4 times and I never have hiked due to being too drunk or hungover. I am determined to return. I need to make a sober to-do list. (I personally do not like the term bucket list.)