Now I understand! All those times my friends went back to school and did not have much time for a social life, I understand! When they said “I have to study” or “I have a paper to write”, I know why they weren’t complete in an hour or so. This stuff takes concentration and time! It is a struggle. Especially trying to do everything else in life and school work.
It reminds me of my sobriety. Takes time and not always easy.
I am happy I have started this journey back to school much like I am happy I have started the journey to sobriety. But I also see how people might not comprehend what an effort this is. I have to be disciplined in both my studies and sobriety. I have to just say no to a beer or a movie. I need to move away from people trying to converse while I am trying to read much like I need to move away from someone who keeps offering me booze.
Both will have good outcomes.
Damn it… I now want a sobriety report card. I have gotten A’s for 4 months. I want the 6 month sobriety honor roll!
Mistake 141- Yesterday I mentioned I promised the guy I was staying with I would not have drunk sex in his house anymore. Well another night, I thought I was alone. I thought the guy that lived there was at work. I invited a male friend over late while I was drunk. We had sex on the couch. After he left, I heard the toilet flush upstairs. The guy was not at work. He was sleeping but woke up to hearing sex noises downstairs.
We never mentioned it. I broke my promise. I moved out of there soon because I was able to move back home and start my job. I somehow convinced the alcohol counselor that I did not have a drinking problem so she gave me the green light to work. I never talked to the guy that owned that house again.
I had to do a test today for a certification for work. I have to do this ever two years. I have been studying for it the last few nights. There are 9 different parts to this test. I only need to do 5. Ever since I first got certified in 2002, I only do the minimal 5 that I need.
Today, I did all 9. And I passed! Out of about 100 questions, I only got 2 wrong. 1 cause I did not read the complete answer. The other cause I did not know the answer. But I was so thrilled after. It gave me confidence for the classes I will be starting soon. I thought “go sober brain!”
Because of doing the test, I only got 4 1/2 hours of sleep before work. My coworkers are asking why I am so alert and able to function. It might have not been a lot of sleep, but it was solid sleep. I couldn’t get that much solid sleep in my drinking days without a sleeping pill. And that would make me feel hungover when I woke up.
Mistake 112- I was living in Europe with a boyfriend. We went to the gay pride parade. We walked along in the parade waving rainbow flags with his gay friend. I remember there were trucks in the parade selling beer off the back. I thought “god I love this country! Allowed to have bottles of beer while walking in a parade!”
So we drank lots. We both got drunk. After the parade, he wanted to go home. He wasn’t feeling good. I wanted to stay. I wanted to keep partying. There were a lot of after parties. I accused him of being a wimp and lightweight. So he left.
This was maybe my 2nd week living there. I did not know the public transportation nor the city well yet. I was not sure how I would find my way back to our apartment. But I didn’t care.
I met a young guy who wanted to practice his English with me. He had a older, controlling boyfriend who kept giving me the evil eye. I kept talking with the young guy and hoped I could tag along with them to parties. But that was not to be allowed. I do not know how long we were chatting before old, grumpy boyfriend came over and said “we are leaving!” and dragged the young man away.
So no parties at the gay clubs for me. I did not know where they were. Instead I stopped at bars for “just one” on my way to the metro. Somehow, drunk me found my way home. I do not know how long it took me nor what time I got home.
Once again, put myself at risk in a strange city just to keep drinking.