Friends with benefits and booze

A friend started emailing me Sunday morning at 6am. I just happened to wake up early that day. I asked if he was still up from the night before. He replied that he has not made it home yet from the night. I guessed correctly that he was drunk. He wanted to know when I would be in town next. I answered and then asked “don’t you have a girlfriend?” He does.

I am not sure if he was drunk flirting or just being friendly. I am not sure if he saw I was online and not many of his other friends were up at 6am. But we used to be “friends with benefits” when I lived in his area. After I moved away, I used to get messages from him “I miss you.” The last message before this Sunday, I told him to stop drunk emailing me because “it will never happen again.” I was probably drunk when I messaged him with that and meant I will never sleep with him again. He and I both knew that I most likely would if I was drunk enough.

Mistake 118- When I first met him, I did not like him. I thought he was weird and annoying. We met through other friends at a festival. I thought he was immature and I avoided him.

After I lived there for a few months and I saw him at a lot more parties, we started to get along. Not close but he was part of the group I partied with.

He began to date a girl that was quiet. Later, I found out she did not believe in gay marriage rights. His best friend was a lesbian. I asked him how could he date someone that did not believe his best friend deserved the same rights as them. He said she was really religious and nothing he could do about it. I started to refer to her as the Homophobe.

One morning, I woke up in his bed. I was horrified. I even said “No! Please tell me this did not happen!” But it did. He admitted he should not have been driving because he was so drunk. But he offered me a ride from whatever party we were at and we ended up having sex. He cheated on the Homophobe. I felt guilty but also like I beat her in some invisible contest. But I told him it would never happen again.

The Homophobe soon dumped him. She claimed he partied too much. He and I began hanging out at bars more. And we began having sex more often. He stayed over my place a few times and was always late for work when he did. A few of our friends suspected it but no one said anything.

Once, I brought up the topic of us starting a relationship. He said “with me? I don’t think we could have a relationship.” I asked why not. Am I too old? He said “honestly? Yes.” I am 9 years older than him. And he said he was still in love with Homophobe.

I moved away a few months later. He now has a different girlfriend. One I never met. I just do not know why he is drunk messaging me.

Another guy that thought I was good enough as drinking buddy and sex friend, but not good enough for something serious.

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Getting Over Being Lonely

The other day I wrote about how it sucks to be sober and single. It is hard to meet anyone even though I know that I should not be focusing my energy on meeting someone. I need to be vigilant about my sobriety and do not need a boy (or girl) messing that up. But I have been lonely the past three months. And honestly, it is more about being horny than wanting companionship.fuck buddy

Makes me realize there have been times where I wanted to be with someone and I drank to get the courage to make a move. Or if they shot me down, “I was drunk” was my excuse for being so foolish. Not all of my one-night stands were drunken mistakes. With my low self-image, I felt like I accomplished something if a drunk person I wanted slept with me. I have had some boyfriends complain that I had to get drunk to have sex. It made me wonder if I was a lesbian.

I have an ex-boyfriend, whom I dated for a year and half, and I got him drunk the first night we had sex. We started the night sharing a bottle of wine, which was actually the two of us chugging it while waiting in line for a concert. Once inside, I kept buying two beers in the beer line with the excuse it was to save time. He did not have much money because he was traveling. I encouraged him to drink some of my two cups. I do not remember when our first kiss was and the first sex that night was lousy. I thought it was going to be one night but then we started traveling together and it turned into a relationship. But I always questions his TRUE feelings for me and said “if I did not get you drunk that first night, we would never be together!” It is not a good way to start a loving, commitment.

To solve my “dating” sober problem, I asked a friend for help. Isn’t part of recovery reaching out and asking for help?

I texted him: “Trying to figure out how to ask this and if you say no, no problem. But I am finding trying to date sober sucks. Would it ever be okay to come visit for a booty call?”

I did not realize he did not have my phone number saved in his phone. Thankfully he guessed who it was. I responded that it is a good thing he doesn’t have many sober friends. He did not think I was serious. When I assured him I was, he said I can visit whenever for what any reason.

But his best response was “you’re not giving up on sobriety, are you?” That made me so happy. It made me think he is more concerned for my sobriety than getting laid. That is a good friend. A good friend with benefits! He can be my temporary playtoy. My sex sponsor.

I am just really nervous how this is going to work sober. I have had “fuck buddies” in the past but alcohol was always involved. Sober sex? I guess I need to learn to get used to a lot of activities in a sober state. Sober dancing. Sober concerts. Sober knitting.

Just kidding. I do not know how to knit. But maybe I can learn.

Mistake # 104- I lost my purse with my wallet and a nice jacket from London, but not my phone. I was kicked out of a bar for being too drunk. I do not remember if the night started out with friends but I know I was in the bar alone when kicked out. Since I had no wallet, I could not pay for a taxi. I drunk texted a few friends asking for a ride. One guy offered to come pick me up to take me home. Then another friend offered me a ride. I replied “it’s okay, a fuck friend is picking me up.” But I accidentally sent the text to the friend that was picking me up. He wrote back “I hope that is not how you think of me.”

I waited for him, sitting on the sidewalk, with my back leaning against the wall. I jumped up when his car pulled up and ran to his car. I apologized for the drunk text and thanked him for picking me up. Then I drunkenly explained we were two friends that had casual sex so we sort of were “fuck friends.” Our friendship fizzled out after that night.

No more drunk texts is one of my favorite sober benefits.

My Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades (rose tinted glasses that is)

I am feeling good and feeling positive. I started plotting out my awards for each 10 day milestone. Thinking of that coconut cake for 50 days was a huge help. Someone could have offered me a glass of expensive champagne and said there was finally peace in the middle east and I would have declined it and said “great, but no thanks cause I really want that cake!”

For 60 days, I am planning a facial. Hopefully my skin will start showing some booze free improvements.

For 70 days, I will get my legs waxed. (Wait, did I say rewards or punishment?) I have not shaved since I stopped drinking. A benefit of being single. But spring and short season is coming.

For 80 days, an 80s New Wave party! I am a little worried about handling that one. It is a Duran Duran theme and I know the DJs. I think it will be a reward and a test of temptation. But I know I can dance to New Wave sober.

For 90 days, I am going to see a Broadway show! orchestra seats!

For 100, I am going to plan a trip somewhere. I don’t know where yet. I actually work for 3 nights on days 100, 101, and 102. But the days after that… I want to fly somewhere. Soar to sobriety. Look to my future where each sober day is an award.
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Mistake #51- A quick one- There was a small club I used to frequent in 2003-2005. I used to go there for the New Wave parties I mentioned above. On Sundays, it was a rock and punk music night. And strippers. They had professional ones dance on a box in the middle of the dance floor and then invited anyone else to get up there as an amateur strippers. They even gave out awards for best stripper or aka “Slut of the Week.” I used to get wasted at this club. I would even go alone and  assume I would run into someone I knew or make a new friend. One night,  I am really thankful I ran into a friend. I don’t remember much but I woke up at home in my bed. Wearing my jeans and a pink, feather boa around my neck. No shirt.

I was confused until he messaged me online. “Get home okay?” I said yes and asked if he was at the club. He responded “LOL yes. You were awesome. You got up on the stripper box. You threw your shirt out in the crowd. Someone kept it.”

Um where did the feather boa come from? One of the other strippers gave it to me when I couldn’t find my shirt. My friend put me in a taxi after extracting my address from me.

Did I win Slut of the Week?

No.