And memories keep resurfacing…

Sometimes, I get worried I will not remember 365 mistakes. Then other days, I feel I will have no problem coming up with one daily. It is amazing how one little thing will trigger a new regret.

“Oh wow, I forgot about that night.”

A month ago, I slacked in daily blogging and coming up with mistakes. I was busy with finishing my online class. I returned to those entries and filled in daily mistakes. During those days of not blogging, I felt a little struggle at times. Thoughts of “drinking in moderation one day” started to seep in my mind.  Once I returned to daily posts again, those thoughts were pushed away. Sober blogging has helped me so much more than any AA meeting could.

Mistake 185- I mentioned my husband’s friend Alaska yesterday and the time I cheated on my husband by kissing another guy while partying with this friend. After I separated from my husband, Alaska invited me over one night. The memories of the evening are foggy. I was drunk when I drove over there. I remember being impressed he drank good beer. We drank lots of it. He started to tell me how he was always interested in me and my husband was dumb to let me go.  I remember we had sex on the rug. And I remember him begging me not to tell my husband. I laughed. Why would I tell my estranged husband I just fucked one of his closest friends? I don’t think I stayed there. We were worried my husband would see my car out front. I was drunk still when I drove back to wherever I was starting at the time. 
I remember mixed emotions afterwards. I felt shame. And triumphant. I felt like it was revenge against my husband. I felt confident that another man still wanted me. I think a small part of me fantasized about a relationship with him.

Though still not sure if I would have done that if I was not drunk.

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New Friend

I feel like a little kid in kindergarten who comes home from school: “Mommy, I have a new friend!”

I went to an event last night to meet new people. I spent most of the time talking with one woman. We were talking about festivals and Portugal. I have a trip planned there soon. She was suggesting restaurants and bars I should visit. She kept telling me about bar areas in different cities. I just nodded and said “sounds fun.” I told her I like to visit museums and historical places. She did not know of any to recommend. I finally said “well I quit drinking 6 months ago.”

She said “good for you.” We talked a bit more. We chatted about festivals. The more we talked, the more drunk mistakes came to my memory. As I mentioned some, she said “well it sounds like quitting was a good idea.” She soon asked me for contact information. She wants to see photos and hear stories of my trip. We added each other on Facebook and plan to meet up for coffee when I return.

Yea! I made a new friend without booze! Proof that there is more to me than being a party girl. I want to flaunt this in the face of “friends” who don’t want to hang out with sober me.

We were chatting with another woman who was tipsy. This woman kept bending over to talk to us and her long hair kept dipping in her wine. She just squeezed the wine out of her hair and kept drinking. I was disgusted but know that I also would have kept drinking it during my boozing days. There were a lot of disgusting things I would have done.

Mistake 184- I am not sure if I was separated from my husband or not at the time. I was going to a club with two female friends and invited my husband’s friend Alaska. I remember my husband told me the first time he brought Alaska over before I met him, he saw our wedding photo and told my husband I was hot. My husband told me this with pride. After meeting, Alaska would always hit on me when my husband wasn’t around. I took it as a compliment.

I am not sure why we invited him to the club. Maybe I was trying to hook Alaska up with one of my friends. Not sure why my husband wasn’t there unless he was working or we were separated. I got trashed. I do not remember much of the night (either because this was so long ago or because I was so drunk). But I remember kissing some guy in the parking lot. One of my friends grabbed Alaska and started to make out with him so he wouldn’t see me kissing someone not my husband. Later on, she yelled at me for being so stupid to kiss a guy in front of my husband’s friend.

I think I was still with my husband because I do remember another night after we did separate where Alaska and I hooked up.