Mistake 169- I visited Toronto, Canada many years ago. I only had a few days. I added a two day trip to Montreal. I reserved a train to Montreal and the return train would give me plenty of time for my afternoon flight from Toronto.
I went out my last night in Montreal and met two gay guys. They ended up taking me all around the gay section of the city to many gay bars. I think we ended up at a club called Pure. I have a lot of photos of me double fisting Heinekens that night. I got very drunk. I remember the two gay guys giving me a ride in a taxi back to my hotel and making sure I got to my room.
The next morning I woke up at 9:30am hungover. My train was at 10am. I freaked out and started to pack my bags. I realized I would miss my train. I still rushed all the way to the train station. I had a splitting headache and chugged Diet Cokes with Advil the taxi ride to the station.
The cost to change my train was no problem. But the next train wouldn’t get me into Toronto until later in the afternoon. I would miss my flight. I had to call Expedia or whatever travel website I used back then. They could change my flight but it would cost me $150. I remember laughing (was I still drunk?) and said “wow this is an expensive hangover!” Also, the next flight wouldn’t be until the next morning. I had to work that same evening I would arrive home. I managed to stay with a friend in Toronto to avoid a hotel bill. Then I got home with enough time for a nap before working that night. Such a mess for one night of drinking.
It does seem easier. But there are still times I wish I could drink. I wish I was capable of moderating.I wish I was “normal”.
Then again, I do feel happier. When I think of how long I battled depression, it almost feels the alcohol was the main source of it. It was keeping me numb and I suffered so many regrets due to my drinking. I have not found all the answers to life with my short 5 months of sobriety, but I am finding self-love.
Two years ago, I traveled a lot around Asia. I rememeber I told a friend I wanted to get a tattoo that said “love” or “love myself” or something similar. I wanted to get it in Sanskrit or Thai or another languages from a country I enjoyed. My friend asked me why I wanted a tattoo like that. I replied “as a reminder to love myself. ” She told me I shouldn’t need a tattoo for that.
She was right. I never got the tattoo because I couldn’t figure out a correct translation. It did get an “om”, which is a Hindu symbol, but I got it as a reminder to balance out my life. I did not realize how alcohol was keeping my life so lopsided. It made so much else heavy with guilt and pain. I wasted so much time recovering. I kept putting off returning to school. I spent so much money on my habit. Now I am learning to balance work, school, finances, travel, and personal life all while staying sober. I am honestly feeling such an improvement in all areas of my life.
5 months does not seem all the exciting but it does seem surreal. I never imagine I would not drink alcohol for this long. Again, no huge treats planned. I got a lot of work to do for my class. It feels great knowing I have a sober brain to do all of it.
Mistake 150- It does not seem like a huge mistake, but it was something I regretted and time I will never get back.
My friend and I were traveling in Goa. We were staying with a friend. He and I stayed up late making sangria from two bottles of very cheap Indian wine. We both had the worst headaches when we tried to get up the next day. Our friend who lived there kept putting pitchers of water in between our beds all day. We slept all day. We would wake up just to take ibuprofen, drink water, and maybe go to the bathroom. We wasted a whole day that could have been spent at the gorgeous beaches or visiting a fort of a tourist site. We were too hungover.
I still partied a lot the rest of our stay. My friend did not. I think that was when our travel friendship started to break down and ended a few weeks later.