Recidivism

I have begun another online college class. I am taking this class for credits towards my degree, in case I do decide to become an addiction counselor, and for personal learning experience. The class is Substance Abuse Prevention. I am way past the “prevention” part in my own life but maybe I can learn about something to prevent me from relapsing. And hopefully, get an A and bring up my GPA.

I will share in my blog some things I learn to try to help anyone reading that is struggling with alcoholism. (Not sure why else you would read my blog if you weren’t?)

Tonight as I was working on an assignment, I learned a new word. Recidivism. According to wikipedia, it “is the act of a person repeating an undesirable behavior after he/she has either experienced negative consequences of that behavior, or has been treated or trained to extinguish that behavior.” Sounds like a perfect word for so many of my mistakes. It is a synonym for relapse. Even though the word is mostly used with crimes and the prison system, it makes me think of all my one night stands, driving drunk, and losing things.

Mistake 213- I was out having a few drinks with a friend. She was actually my friend’s girlfriend. I knew him longer and better but she called me up and asked me to meet her at a bar down the street. She began to complain about her relationship with him. She told me she could not remember the last time they had sex.

I felt guilty. I knew that I woke up in his bed 2 weeks prior. I was not sure if I had sex with him that night, but we were both nude in the morning. I sat there listening to her complain and pretended to be a caring friend. Today, I do not remember what I said to her. Last time I talked to him, he was ordered to drug and alcohol rehab by his boss. I guess he and I had a lot more in common than he and she. I hope she found someone that did not have a substance abuse problem.

School vs Sobriety

Now I understand! All those times my friends went back to school and did not have much time for a social life, I understand! When they said “I have to study” or “I have a paper to write”, I know why they weren’t complete in an hour or so. This stuff takes concentration and time! It is a struggle. Especially trying to do everything else in life and school work.

It reminds me of my sobriety. Takes time and not always easy.

I am happy I have started this journey back to school much like I am happy I have started the journey to sobriety.  But I also see how people might not comprehend what an effort this is. I have to be disciplined in both my studies and sobriety. I have to just say no to a beer or a movie. I need to move away from people trying to converse while I am trying to read much like I need to move away from someone who keeps offering me booze.

Both will have good outcomes.
Damn it… I now want a sobriety report card. I have gotten A’s for 4 months. I want the 6 month sobriety honor roll!

Mistake 141- Yesterday I mentioned I promised the guy I was staying with I would not have drunk sex in his house anymore. Well another night, I thought I was alone. I thought the guy that lived there was at work. I invited a male friend over late while I was drunk. We had sex on the couch. After he left, I heard the toilet flush upstairs. The guy was not at work. He was sleeping but woke up to hearing sex noises downstairs.

We never mentioned it. I broke my promise. I moved out of there soon because I was able to move back home and start my job. I somehow convinced the alcohol counselor that I did not have a drinking problem so she gave me the green light to work. I never talked to the guy that owned that house again.