Old coins

image

As I was unpacking my things and moving into my new place, I found a box of old mementos. Ticket stubs. Tour brochures.  Matchbooks. And I found these three tokens.

They were from my first time trying AA and sobriety 7 1/2 years ago after my second DUI. I have mentioned before in this blog how my journal entries at that time proved to me I wasn’t serious about sobriety. I wanted to still be able to drink without the negative outcomes. Getting serious about it has finally allowed me to come this far. I am 10 days away from a year of sobriety.

I also have blogged about my frustration with finding the milestone tokens. I never picked up a white chip because my first AA meeting, about 4 days after my drink, I was still not sure I wanted to go on this road. Then by 30 days, I almost broke down and had a drink because I was upset I couldn’t find a meeting to give me a red chip. I also said how I never got a 60 day chip and when I finally got my 90 chip, I considered lying to get a 60 day one at another meeting.

But now I have from this round of sobriety a 30 day, 90 day, 6 month, 9 months, and 1st Sober Burning Man token. I can add from my last round this 1 day, a second 30 day, and a 60 day chip. Maybe I will make jewelry.  Maybe I will make a wind chime. Whatever I do with them, I am so thankful to have made it this far on the sobriety journey.

Advertisements

Hunting for a chip

I went to another meeting today. My 3rd meeting since my 30 days of sobriety. My 3rd meeting that they did not give out chips. Well, tonight they did give one chip to a guy that had 90 days. I guess they give chips only to home members. Is this like apartment hunting to find a home? I feel like maybe I will get my 30 day chip by my 45th day.

There was a speaker in the meeting. I was very sleepy. I did not get much out of this one. It was 90% men which is different compared to most meeting I have gone to. I guess I will keep hunting.

My cyber chip:
image

Mistake #25- About a year and half ago, I went to a street fair. It was the kind of event where they close off the streets in a neighborhood for people to sell arts, crafts, and food. At each intersection, there was a stage set up for bands. Beer was sold near the stages.

I went alone but ran into a friend of mine. I’ve known him a few years from festivals and parties. He is very good looking. He was dating one of my friends when we first met but they broke up a year before this. He started seeing another girl at this point but he rarely brought her around to parties. I did not really know her.

We met up at a band he recommended. We started drinking beers. He knew a guy that worked one of the beer stands so we were getting a few freebies. We walked around to see other bands and to meet up with various people he knew. We grabbed beer every chance possible. I would get two just for me to avoid having to wait in line so much.

We went to dinner at a Mexican place. We started to drink margaritas. We were on our third when another band was supposed to start. The restaurant let us put the margaritas in plastic cups to take with us. Since the band was playing nearby, I kept going back to buy us more margaritas throughout the show. They made me buy the organic ones in order to get them as “take away” since they really weren’t supposed to be selling them that way. They were about $15 each. Expensive drinks! Next day I had 3 receipts of two drinks each. With tip, $100 on 6 drinks!

I don’t remember much of the shows. I took a lot of photos. Afterwards, my friend wanted to call it a night. He stopped drinking so he would be able to drive me home. I wanted to keep partying. I never wanted a good night to end. So I talked him into walking to a nearby gay club. He joked that he has never been to one but would go since I could protect him. I drank rum and diet cokes in the club. I think I danced. I do not remember much of the club.

The next morning, I woke up in his van parked along a street. I have never seen his van before but saw his work equipment in the back and assumed it was his. I texted him “I guess I am in your van? I need to pee.” I have never been to his house before either so did not know which one he lived in. I decided I couldn’t wait. It was about 6:30am on a Sunday. I opened the door,looked around to see if any people were outside, pulled down my pants, squatted by the curb, and peed. Then climbed back into the van to go back to sleep. About 10 minutes later, he knocked on the van door to wake me up. He said he tried to carry me in the night before but I refused. He said I insisted on sleeping in the van. He brought me inside and offered me the toilet. I was too embarrassed to tell him I took care of business already. He invited me to sleep in his bed. It felt so much better than the van seat!

A few hours later, I was woken up by his phone ringing. He answered it and went to the other room to talk. I pretended I was still sleeping. I overheard him telling his new girlfriend how I got wasted, took him to a gay club, and then I started propositioning him. He told her things I said to try to persuade him to have sex with me. He resisted my drunk seduction. I was mortified.

I kept pretending to be asleep when he came in to wake me up after ending the call. He said he had to give me a ride home so he could get stuff done. He gave me my bag. I did the “day after drunk” check. Keys, yes. Wallet, yes. Credit card, no. He said I must have left it at the gay club since I started a tab. Camera, no. All the fun photos of the street fair were gone. I went to the gay club when it opened up that evening and recovered my credit card but never found the camera again. The camera was a month old.

To this day, I do not feel comfortable around his girlfriend. She is super sweet and I think they are so great together. I just can not help but feel she must think of me as the drunk slut that tried getting with her man.