So I didn’t make it through Burning Man without drinking alcohol this year. In fact, I broke sobriety in Reno. Met up with some French guys for dinner and when they ordered a bottle of wine, I did not decline a glass. But I was glad they were there to share the bottle.
And once at Burning Man, I remained sober the first few days. But on Wednesday I had a volunteer shift that required me to socialize and be outgoing. I asked a camp mate for a beer to help lubricate my personality. It was a weak move. And I drank more the rest of the day. And a little each day. I got tipsy but not extremely drunk. And no blackouts or stupid acts. I started to think maybe I will just reset my sobriety clock after each burn.
I am not fooling myself into thinking I am no longer an alcoholic. I know I am. As soon as I left Reno, I vowed to return to my abstinence lifestyle. But I also want to stop focusing on numbers. Focusing on how many months or years I refrained from drinking. Stop focusing on the higher the number, the better of a person I am. Stop feeling guilty for not keeping my sober streaks lasting longer.
I am also thinking of attending SMART meetings. Maybe I can stick to that program better than AA.
365reasons2sober 
So sorry to hear that. You have way much more sobriety that I’ve ever achieved, but I know what you mean about counting days. I’ve been very caught up with that in the past and am trying to find a fresh way to approach sobriety. I’ve failed so many times (two weeks off, two weeks/months/years on) and sometimes I stop believing it’s even possible. Hope you find a way forward, I’ve found your blog so inspiring and useful. S x
I really, really benefitted from your post…thank you!
I also don’t think this necessarily means AA didn’t work but I’ve gone to SMART meetings, too, and you may very well prefer them.
please tell me about a smart meeting also struggling with AA
I still have not yet been to one but here is the website to find a meeting near you or the online meetings. (Which I also haven’t done yet.)
http://www.smartrecovery.org
Thanks I will check it out
The thing is, if you’re an alcoholic, you won’t always be able to stop drinking when you want to, or maybe at all. The only time you have to stay sober is now.