Failed at Sober Burn

So I didn’t make it through Burning Man without drinking alcohol this year. In fact, I broke sobriety in Reno. Met up with some French guys for dinner and when they ordered a bottle of wine, I did not decline a glass. But I was glad they were there to share the bottle.

And once at Burning Man,  I remained sober the first few days. But on Wednesday I had a volunteer shift that required me to socialize and be outgoing. I asked a camp mate for a beer to help lubricate my personality. It was a weak move. And I drank more the rest of the day. And a little each day. I got tipsy but not extremely drunk. And no blackouts or stupid acts. I started to think maybe I will just reset my sobriety clock after each burn.

I am not fooling myself into thinking I am no longer an alcoholic.  I know I am. As soon as I left Reno, I vowed to return to my abstinence lifestyle.  But I also want to stop focusing on numbers. Focusing on how many months or years I refrained from drinking. Stop focusing on the higher the number, the better of a person I am.  Stop feeling guilty for not keeping my sober streaks lasting longer.

I am also thinking of attending SMART meetings. Maybe I can stick to that program better than AA.

6 thoughts on “Failed at Sober Burn

  1. So sorry to hear that. You have way much more sobriety that I’ve ever achieved, but I know what you mean about counting days. I’ve been very caught up with that in the past and am trying to find a fresh way to approach sobriety. I’ve failed so many times (two weeks off, two weeks/months/years on) and sometimes I stop believing it’s even possible. Hope you find a way forward, I’ve found your blog so inspiring and useful. S x

  2. I really, really benefitted from your post…thank you!

    I also don’t think this necessarily means AA didn’t work but I’ve gone to SMART meetings, too, and you may very well prefer them.

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