Failed at Sober Burn

So I didn’t make it through Burning Man without drinking alcohol this year. In fact, I broke sobriety in Reno. Met up with some French guys for dinner and when they ordered a bottle of wine, I did not decline a glass. But I was glad they were there to share the bottle.

And once at Burning Man,  I remained sober the first few days. But on Wednesday I had a volunteer shift that required me to socialize and be outgoing. I asked a camp mate for a beer to help lubricate my personality. It was a weak move. And I drank more the rest of the day. And a little each day. I got tipsy but not extremely drunk. And no blackouts or stupid acts. I started to think maybe I will just reset my sobriety clock after each burn.

I am not fooling myself into thinking I am no longer an alcoholic.  I know I am. As soon as I left Reno, I vowed to return to my abstinence lifestyle.  But I also want to stop focusing on numbers. Focusing on how many months or years I refrained from drinking. Stop focusing on the higher the number, the better of a person I am.  Stop feeling guilty for not keeping my sober streaks lasting longer.

I am also thinking of attending SMART meetings. Maybe I can stick to that program better than AA.