I am more nervous this year. Maybe it is because last year, I had 7 months of sobriety before I headed out to Black Rock City. I had more confidence.
This time, I will only be 90 days sober after a slip. I feel weaker. I know I am capable of slipping again. I even had a dream last night that I decided to give up sobriety for a week and drink moderately. When I woke up, scenes of getting mad at bartenders cutting me off came to my mind.
I can’t do it. I can not drink moderately. Alcohol is a poison that makes me crave more. This has nothing to do with secretly drinking out there and/or just trying to fit in. If I drink, I might not stop until I blackout. And then I might do something horrible, dangerous, or die.
I plan to go to an AA meeting in Reno the night before I go out to the playa. Then I will hit as many meetings as I can at Anonymous Village. I even plan to set up a tent at their camp in case I need to get away from my camp. I am picking up tonic water and teas and lots of juices for my week out there.
That dream scared me. Maybe I need to read through my whole blog before I go as a reminder. Maybe bring my Big Book to read out there.
I will check back to share how I survived my 2nd sober Burning Man.