Awkward

Yesterday, I got a nasty letter from a family member. I am not going to go info the details, but it got me very upset. I sat in my car crying for awhile. Then I thought a spinning class would help exercise out my feelings. But no classes starting nearby soon. I then thought yoga would help. Again, no classes available.  Instead I decided to go to an AA meeting.

I have been to this meeting previously. It is near my work and has meetings that end right before I go to work. It was an okay meeting and I even shared. It was a large group. I started to consider making it my home group. I left it feeling better.

Then an hour later, I got an email on a dating website.  It was a guy that I exchanged a few emails with a few months ago and then he deleted his account. It was a simple, friendly email asking how I was doing. I told him I have been busy with work, school and traveling.

Then this morning, he replies that he think he saw me at the AA meeting. He said he recognized me from the website. He restarted his account just to message me. Next time I see him at a meeting, I should say hi.

I thought AA meant Alcoholics ANONYMOUS!  His message made me feel so awkward.  What if somone else recognizes me? What if it is a crazy guy from a dating site that starts to stalk me? What if somone from work sees me leaving there? They know I am not Christian so it would seem odd that I am hanging out in a church right before work.

I regretted sharing. I am not going to those meetings anymore. Not sure if I want to go to any in this area now. It would seem like this should be a happy moment like “oh you finally met a guy” but he did not seem interested in seeing me again besides bumping into each other at a meeting. Why did he have to message me? He could have said something at the meeting or waited until we did bumped into each other. I want to delete my dating site account. I don’t want to take that chance anymore.

And I feel depression is hitting me again. I am avoiding Facebook now cause one more engagement or pregnancy announcement might push me over to edge. I am starting to be tired of being alone.