Second Sober St Patrick’s Day

I survived my second St Patrick’s Day since I quit drinking. It was easy because I worked. I worked the 16th and the 17th. I wonder if I will request to work for this holiday the rest of my working life? It used to be one of my favorite holidays right up there with my birthday, New Year’s Eve, and Halloween. All big drinking celebrations! Now I just enjoy decorating, dressing up, and eating Irish food.

I posted on Facebook a photo of me dressed up for St Patrick’s Day. I was wearing a shirt with shamrocks, shamrock earrings, and a green hairband with pots of gold. A lot of people commented cute things. Then one friend made a comment that she was glad she was not working because she lives right around the corner from a lot of good bars. I got irritated by her comment. She was one of the first friends I told about my sobriety. But she is also a person that loves wine and posts a lot of memes about how wine is wonderful. I can handle her posting about her drinking but found it insensitive to make a comment directed to me about how she is excited to celebrate St Patrick’s Day in bars.

At first, I made a commented “thanks for reminding me that I can’t drink.” Then I went back and deleted my comment and hers. Then I emailed her telling her how I thought the comment was insensitive. I logged off for more than a day. When I logged back on, there was a reply from her. She said she is glad she is not working because St Patrick’s brings in so many drunks. (She works in an emergency room.) But if that was really what she meant, why did she mention all the bars around the corner? I think she is backpedaling and trying to change the meaning, but then again I will never knew her actual meaning. Yet she also told me she is proud I am “laying off” of alcohol. I had to reply back that I am not “laying off” of it, but rather struggling with being an alcoholic in recovery.

Maybe I am just still too sensitive. Maybe I am still too self-centered. Maybe I need to work those steps.

But most definitely, I am an alcoholic. I just need to keep reminding myself that I am sober today.

Mistake: I went with some friends to Savannah, Georgia for St Patrick’s day. We had 6 people crammed into a 2 bed hotel room for 2 nights. There was no vacancy in the whole city. I started drinking as soon as we checked into the room. We met up with another friend of mine at a gay bar. I do not remember much about this place. My group of friends were a mix of females and 2 straight guys.

One of the girls met a guy who said he was gay and in the Army. He pulled her to the side and started to tell her how he is scared to come out to his family and worried what will happen if the Army finds out. The rest of our group had our doubts. If we were not in a gay bar, we would swear this Army guy was hitting on her. He kept putting his hand on the small of her back as they talked and whispered in her ear. When he went to the bathroom, she told us his sob story. One of our friends said it seemed the Army guy was making up this story to get close to our friend. I have actually known straight men that have gone to gay bars and pretended to be gay to meet girls. The more this is what we believed was happening with the Army guy, the more I got mad. But I kept my thoughts to myself and in the bottom of my bottle. I just kept drinking.

We were all drunk hours later. Army guy joined us for bar hopping to other bars. He continued to be very flirtatious and touchy with our friend but still insisted he was gay. I silently fumed. Yet after last call and he followed us to the hotel, I got very pissed off. I was drunk and tired of keeping quiet. I accused him of being straight. And now to add to the accusations, I accused him of trying to lie his way into our hotel room. He kept quiet. I got mean and stated the fact that he was not defending himself is proof he is lying. I told him I was only saying what the rest of the group was thinking. No one said anything. The girl that he was flirting with looked embarrassed and shocked. I do not know why I felt I was the leader of the pack and had to say something. I have no idea what his real story was but when I was drunk, I would fixate on problems or things I thought were problems. He turned and walked away. I went to the room and went to sleep.

The next morning, everyone got up to go to breakfast. I slept. They all went to see the green water in the fountains. I slept. I spent the afternoon sleeping off my hangover. I work up to order pizza. I wasted my whole day. I still want to return to Savannah someday to see things besides the bars.

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