When I think about the times I “took breaks” from drinking or “sort of” quit, I think of willingness. The difference between those times and now was my willingness to quit. My willingness to stay sober. My willingness to actually risk feelings. My willingness to live life without drinking alcohol.

And then I found something about it today in my book One Breath at a Time by Kevin Griffin:

Willingness comes before any growth: willingness to stop drinking and using; willingness to try a new way of living; willingness to put that growth before our personal comfort. In short, the willingness to let go.

How committed are you to recovery?

I have plans today: AA meeting; then introduction to meditation class, then a dinner date. I remember a year ago, I was so scared of trying to date sober. I aways associated having drinks as a way to relax. Alcohol helped those first awkward moments of a first date. I felt I could judge my date by what they drank. Were they a beer person, wine, or hard liquor? I still do judge them now but by the quantity they drink. I am not gonna stop a date from ordering one drink with dinner. But if he or she orders a second glass or bottle, I might not consider another date. I don’t want to date the horrible person I used to be!

I had a guy on a dating website ask me out for drinks last night. He didn’t say coffee, which made me realize he did not read the part of my profile that says I do not drink alcohol. I turned him down and told him I would be busy going to an AA meeting.