Taking Steps

Last week was my ex-husband’s birthday. It was a big milestone one. Even though we haven’t spoken in four years, he recently accepted a friend request I sent him last November on Facebook. I sent it just to say hello and congratulate him on the birth of his child with his new wife. I really did not expect him to accept the friend request but surprisingly, he did. But no response to that email.

But he responded to my birthday greeting. Maybe that is because a big portion of the email was an apology for cheating on him and all the other problems my drinking caused. I told him I was almost 9 months sober. It was a heartfelt letter. I even admitted how I told his mom when we split that I was an alcoholic but I was not willing to quit back then. That was 14 years ago! I would have saved myself two DUIs and maybe prevented ruining other relationships if I quit then.

He told me he wishes the apology came earlier. Like a few years earlier. Like before he met his new wife. He said he thinks often of “what could have been.” But I think I needed to take the path I did. My roller coaster has had many downs but also some great ups. And plenty of loops. It is taking me some self-discovery (also Prozac) but I am liking who I am today.

Another step I took was to visit my sister. I have mentioned her before and she has her own mental and drinking problems. I have not seen her since 2009 and we had a nasty falling out three years ago that made me stop talking to her. My family is not talking to her. But she has been sober almost a year. She is in therapy. I wanted to reach out and be some support. I still am cautious and scared to trust her. But it felt good to extend that olive branch and visit her for a few hours. There is still a lot more repairing to be done to that relationship, but it is a start.