I miss happiness

It seems it has been a long time since I felt truly happy. Maybe I can go back through my blogs and figure out a day. But it seems my heart has been so heavy for the past month. I miss being happy. I really thought quitting alcohol was gonna alleviate my depression. I realize more and more that I drank to self-medicate my depression.

My car issue is almost hurting my brain. My car can not be fixed until next week due to delayed approval from insurance and then difficulty getting parts shipped out to nowhere. (If you are gonna hit a deer, try to do it near a big city or someplace less remote than the wastelands of Nevada.) I am figuring things out but I just resent this extra work and thinking.

I went to an AA meeting today. It helped me as far as reminding me “we” are everywhere. I can handle my problem without alcohol.

I am tired of being depressed. I am tired of trying to be strong. I am tired of trying to be brave. I am gonna see about going on medication when I get home.

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7 thoughts on “I miss happiness

  1. Hugs and prayers. Nothing worse than being depressed, just depressed in general. I always felt if there were a percise reason, at least I could know how to fix it, or that it would be fixed. When it’s a little bit of everything, it’s darn hard to shake it off! Do check into getting something, I’m glad I did. I might still get down, but it isn’t as intense as it could be.

    Hang in there!

  2. I’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling depressed. Have a (((virtual hug))) and I’ll keep thoughts of you close to me today while you’re making decisions on how to heal. Yes, people who drink too much are probably self-medicating and you’ve discovered already that it didn’t work. Whatever you do to make the change from feeling depressed is progress, and it’s healthy.

  3. I totally get what depression is. Man, it sucks! Our thoughts can just build on themselves and cause a vicious cycle that is hard to get out from under. Dealing with our feelings without alcohol to numb out is so hard, especially for someone depressed. I’m on medication and I can’t tell you how many times I sat in meetings feeling like what others have (the elusive inner peace and serenity) will never be mine. I send you my understanding and support. xoxo Fern

  4. You are so awesome! You’ve accomplished so much recently. I applaud your hanging in there when life is so tough. Sending hugs! I also realize I drank to mask depression. Of course, it also causes depression, so it’s a viscous circle. Take extra good care of you right now.

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