I know that is not a word.  But I have been writing this blog daily for six months.  It gets hard to try to remember a mistake every day even if it helps motivate me to stay sober. I will blog as I can and as I feel I need to. I will still try to reach 365 mistakes. But I am not going to stress. I have already written many reasons to go,  be, and stay sober. I will write at least weekly. Or try. Thanks for reading.

Mistake 197- I was visiting a cousin I did not see in about 20 years. We used to see each other as kids until his parents got divorced. As adults, we reconnected on Facebook. I went with a boyfriend to visit him because I always wanted to see the city he lived in. He let us stay in his spare room.

He took us to a party. It was full of gay men. I remember my boyfriend commenting he has never seen so many gay guys in one place. I was annoyed by that comment. I think he and I were already having problems due to questions of where our relationship was heading. So I got drunk to ignore him. I remember talking to a lot of people at this party and declaring I was the cousin of My Cousin. He was almost like a celebrity here. Everyone knew him. I might have been rude to my boyfriend. I think we got in a fight. The party was a blur but the hangover was painful the next day.

My cousin has never really talked to me since then. Neither does his sister. I always wonder if I embarrassed him somehow. Did I say anything stupid? Do anything idiotic? Was I dramatic? Fight with my boyfriend at the party?

Next time I am in that city,  I plan to meet him for dinner and ask. I am not gonna ask to stay at his place again from fear he will have an excuse to decline from fear of me.