It does seem easier. But there are still times I wish I could drink. I wish I was capable of moderating.I wish I was “normal”.
Then again, I do feel happier. When I think of how long I battled depression, it almost feels the alcohol was the main source of it. It was keeping me numb and I suffered so many regrets due to my drinking. I have not found all the answers to life with my short 5 months of sobriety, but I am finding self-love.
Two years ago, I traveled a lot around Asia. I rememeber I told a friend I wanted to get a tattoo that said “love” or “love myself” or something similar. I wanted to get it in Sanskrit or Thai or another languages from a country I enjoyed. My friend asked me why I wanted a tattoo like that. I replied “as a reminder to love myself. ” She told me I shouldn’t need a tattoo for that.
She was right. I never got the tattoo because I couldn’t figure out a correct translation. It did get an “om”, which is a Hindu symbol, but I got it as a reminder to balance out my life. I did not realize how alcohol was keeping my life so lopsided. It made so much else heavy with guilt and pain. I wasted so much time recovering. I kept putting off returning to school. I spent so much money on my habit. Now I am learning to balance work, school, finances, travel, and personal life all while staying sober. I am honestly feeling such an improvement in all areas of my life.
5 months does not seem all the exciting but it does seem surreal. I never imagine I would not drink alcohol for this long. Again, no huge treats planned. I got a lot of work to do for my class. It feels great knowing I have a sober brain to do all of it.
Mistake 150- It does not seem like a huge mistake, but it was something I regretted and time I will never get back.
My friend and I were traveling in Goa. We were staying with a friend. He and I stayed up late making sangria from two bottles of very cheap Indian wine. We both had the worst headaches when we tried to get up the next day. Our friend who lived there kept putting pitchers of water in between our beds all day. We slept all day. We would wake up just to take ibuprofen, drink water, and maybe go to the bathroom. We wasted a whole day that could have been spent at the gorgeous beaches or visiting a fort of a tourist site. We were too hungover.
I still partied a lot the rest of our stay. My friend did not. I think that was when our travel friendship started to break down and ended a few weeks later.
365reasons2sober 
Congratulations on 5 months!! That is huge! I love your description of the depression, because that’s a big part of what’s motivating me. Hope you take time to celebrate.
Thanks. I see a lot of my friends that still suffer depression and drink a lot and then talk about taking meds. I want to tell them to just quit alcohol first and then see if they need meds. I was taking St Johns wart when I first quit but dont feel I need it anymore.
That’s exactly what I thought. Quit the booze then let things settle before looking at other options for depression. Forgot about St. John’s wart, so will try that again, thanks!
I’ve been following you for a while, albeit behind the scenes, and have enjoyed seeing how you’re making your way through this journey. Although I’m married and much more boring than I was in my 20s, many of your stories are similar to my own when I was single and traveling the world. My drinking habit just took on a new form once I got married and had kids, behind closed doors after the kids went to bed. I haven’t committed myself to sobriety, but I’m starting with 30 days+ to re-evaluate my relationship with alcohol and who I want to be when I “grow up.”
I hope that on your year soberversary (sp?), you’re able to forgive yourself for your drunken slip-ups and you list something amazing you’ve done, something you’re happy with yourself about, or perhaps positive, sober experiences you’ve had. It seems to me like you’re an incredible woman who is smart, adventurous, spontaneous, and well-loved and I’m sure that for every drunken mistake, there are a dozen things to be proud of yourself for. Congratulations on 5 months (that’s HUGE!)!
Thanks. You made me tear a bit. Damn feelings! 🙂
Happy 5 months 365. You are an inspiration. Keep up the great work!
Thanks. I did get myself a treat. Ghirardelli toffee chocolate!
You’re on the right path “love” and sobriety will keep getting better. Keep it up!
Thank you!
Yay! Five months is brilliant!!!
You are wonderful to be so honest and this journal will help you and many for a long time to come.
Never too late to turn it all round and you have, well done!!!
X
Thanks. 21 weeks. This is the point of pregnancy women start to feel babies kicking. I am kicking my way to a sober life!
Congrats! 5 months is huge! You’re almost half way to 365! Awesome! I love this post and the wonderful growth and change that our have embraced. Self-love is big and dag it I didn’t know that didn’t need a tattoo for it either! Lol << And only because I can so relate!
Thank you for sharing your stories and your sober journey with us. Hugs!
Almost halfway! I need to figure out a celebration for 6 months. Actually more excited to be half way done daily blogging. 🙂