Humankind

I have been noticing people being mean lately. It seems a lot of people have a short fuse. Is there a comet above affecting us?

I was in a fast food restaurant waiting for my food. As mine was called, a man pushed ahead to complain to the young man behind the counter that his food has been sitting on that counter waiting for a long time and getting cold. I wanted to say “it is fast food. Not immediate food.” I think they were waiting for the fries to be finished to add to his order but that was not quick enough for him. He was behind me in line. My order was not cold. He just seemed like an angry man. I felt sorry for the boy working there. He had to summon the manager.

Then on my flight, the flight attendant asked everyone to turn off our cell phones and all electronics as we were landing. She said the reason was because we were flying at a lower landing. She had to come remind the guy next to me because he kept his on. (He did not have headphones for an excuse that he did not hear. He was just ignoring her.) He reluctantly did so and loudly said “8 flights in one week and that was the first time I had to do that! For crying out loud!” He had to go 10 minutes without his phone and he was pissed off?

I am thinking too much about my friends P and C. I had to stop by there place on the way to the airport because I left my laptop plug. They handed it to me (after some debate because C thought I was mistaken and it was her brother’s.  Then she found another cord still plugged into her brother’s laptop. Did she think I came back to steal a cord?) But I got it, said bye from the door, and left. They did not bother to get up to walk me to the door nor hug it. It seems they think this alcoholism disease is contagious. Or they already seem they have symptoms. “Get her problems out of here!” It was like I had the plague.

I am not going to try to figure out why. I am still hurt by P’s comments that helping people with addictions is a “lost cause.” I am hurt they both kept trying to encourage me to sip. I feel ignorant that I did not realize there was not much to our friendship besides drinking. But I can try to move on. Toxic humans can be contagious.

Mistake 139- About a year after my first DUI, I had a job start date delayed. It was going to be delayed 3 months! They wanted me to get an alcohol and drug dependency evaluation done first. I already moved to that city and began renting a house. I had to call my old job and beg for a temporary job back. They allowed me to come back but to work as a “fill in”. Basically, I only worked when someone called out or they were very busy. It was not steady but it was some money. I spent those months living on a friend of a friend’s couch. I did not have my driver’s license due to the DUI and this guy lived a mile from my job. I also partied a lot while staying there! He was a party guy so we went out a lot. Or I would beg rides from other friends. Or I would pay $40 to the club and just beg rides home. I was depressed almost the whole time. I wrote a lot of suicidal thoughts in my journal. It was a low point in my life and I self-medicated with alcohol.

AND I STILL GOT ANOTHER DUI 4 YEARS LATER!

I made a fool out of myself drunk a lot while staying on that guy’s couch. He never talked to me again after I left.

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