I watched the movie The Lost Weekend from 1945. It is about an alcoholic writer that gets left alone for the weekend and goes on a drinking binge. I don’t want to give it away,  but he ends up in a sanitarium for alcoholics. That is where people went for treatment before rehab. Scenes showed how horrible this disease can get.  I also thought “this is how people picture alcoholics.  Crazy people that would do ANYTHING for a drink.” The people that get the shakes and sweats without alcohol. The people that go through detox. The people that suffer delirium tremendous. I also noticed there were no women in the alcoholic ward in the movie.

I walked past the beer aisle in the store again and glanced at the choices. Why do they put it on the way to the milk section? But I did not really crave any of the beer. I just thought it was like window shopping for things I can not afford. Or things I admire but do not want to waste my money on. It is like when you realize you no longer love an ex-boyfriend but still like him as a person.

Mistake 114- I was living either in Philly or New Jersey. I went to Manhattan to party with friends. Somehow, I ended up in Brooklyn. I do not remember if the party moved there or if I spent the night with a guy. But wherever I stayed, I left early the next morning. I was still drunk. I was a bit lost. I could not figure out how to find the subway and I did not know the NYC bus routes. Once I got to Manhattan,  I could find the bus home.
I asked someone and they gave me directions to the nearest Metro stop but it was a far walk.

I was tired. It was summer and a warm, Sunday morning. I laid down on the sidewalk. I found a spot that seemed quiet and clean from broken glass. It was against a building. I just wanted a nap. Just a short nap and then I would walk to the subway. I had a thin jacket and bag that I put under my head.

I remember it was a Sunday because a woman and young girl woke me up. They were dressed for church. They asked me if I was okay. I told them “yes, just tired.” They might have been checking to see if I was alive. They asked if I needed help. They could give me money if I needed some. I must have looked homeless. I told them no, I just needed to find the subway. They pointed the direction and offered to call a taxi and pay for it. I declined. I got up and started the walk. 

I was so embarrassed.  Once I found the subway, I napped a bit and missed a few stops. I eventually got home and spent a long time recovering.