I was talking with a coworker, who has a masters in Psychology, about addictions the other day . She said even if someone stays away from alcohol or drugs, they will always be an addict because they “do not have morals” and keep their addictive ways.

Then tonight, a coworker, said her uncle fell off the wagon. Another coworker said “well he is a lost cause.”

In two nights, two negative comments. Then I remember why I do not tell people that I am struggling with recovery. Amongst all their jokes about getting drunk and asking if my lemon water has vodka in it, I never say “I can’t drink alcohol.” I am not sure if I am embarrassed or just do not want to deal with their unfavorable attitudes. I would like to stand up for all alcoholics and addicts but then I worry how it would affect my work environment. A mistake is made and “oh must be her fault cause she is the alcoholic.” (Never mind all the mistakes I have been catching lately that coworkers have been making!)

Sometimes I think when I go back to school,  I might want to studying addiction. Maybe become a therapist or counselor.  Maybe try to help society overcome the stigma of addiction. Start finding real help and treatment rather than just punishment. I was informed that insurance through my job would cover rehab. For 72 hours. Who they hell can get cleaned in 72 hours?

Mistake 109- I met a friend at a festival in 2010. We met up again a few months later for a Halloween parade. He is very hot. Brazilian and young. When I first met him, I thought he was gorgeous. But I am 15 years older than him and I do not look like Demi Moore. I have no chance with him. Plus, he dates young, hot girls.

He joined me for this parade. I got drunk. Before he arrived, I was describing him to my friends as “the hot Brazilian.” He joined us for a bit. I kept drinking and think I remember still referring to him as “Hot” when he was there. I think I started to even hit on him. I do not remember but he left and has avoided meeting up with me ever since. We have been in the same city several times since 2010 and even same city on the other side of the globe. But he never replies to my requests to meet up.

I asked one of my other friends that was there at the parade what happened. She said “You were so funny. Yea you kept hitting on him but nothing out of the ordinary for you.” But I think it was enough to make him feel uncomfortable. He probably thinks of me as the old, drunk woman. Hopefully, I can make amend with him one day.