Education

I signed up for online courses. Two classes via a community college. I am nervous because I do not know if I have the self discipline to do online classes. Plus, I graduated college twelve years ago. I am worried it has been so long that I do not remember how to study.

Yet at the same time, I am excited. I love learning. The classes are art history and comparative religion. I will enjoy these subjects. And I keep thinking I will do well simply because I am not drinking alcohol anymore.

This is a step towards returning to school next year to further my degree. I want to bring up my GPA to get in a school. When I was in college, I was satisfied with passing. I was not concerned about wanting to continue my education later. I just wanted to get the grades to graduate. I partied too much. I look forward to studying sober and not going to class hungover.

So many frat parties. So many drunk nights. So many one-night stands. I started blackouts almost immediately after I started drinking at 18. I thought that drinking was how I got people to like me. It made up for being a loner and good girl in high school.

Mistake 108- I think it was my first one-night stand with a stranger. I woke up in this guy’s dorm room. He wasn’t there because he was in the shower. His roommate was laying on a bed across the room watching a Disney movie. I think Lion King? I felt lost and scared. I did not know where I was.

When the guy returned, I asked him what happened. He said “you don’t remember?” I told him last thing I remember was being at a Sig Ep party. He said we met there and came back to his room. We had sex. He said then I passed out. A few guys in the dorm wanted to have sex with me after I passed out but he wouldn’t let them. I thanked him. Almost twenty years later, I can remember the shame I felt.

He took me to lunch on campus. All I can remember is he was Russian and a music major. I do not remember his name. I turned the embarrassment of sex with a stranger around to “wow, my first sexual experience with a foreigner.” I just do not remember the experience.

I saw him a couple times on campus. I always avoided him.

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5 thoughts on “Education

  1. I am excited for you on your new endeavors. new classes, new approach…how cool is that? Excitement creeping back into your life?? Cool. That probably wouldn’t have happened if you were still drinking 😦

    congrats!

    Paul

  2. I think of you have the discipline to stay sober everyday, you will have the discipline needed to do online classes. I’ve done quite a few and usually there are weekly deadlines and activities so you’ll find very quickly that you need to be on top of the course and material. Very exciting! Those subjects sound really interesting! And with not drinking you’ll have a much higher level of engagement with learning. There’s nothing worse than having to write a paper hungover… I just did 2.5 years of that. There were a lot of tears. Best wishes in your studies!

  3. This is so great! I am also thinking about heading back for more education. I could not of even have entertained the whole concept prior to putting down the wine glass.
    Good Luck!

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