The other day I wrote about how it sucks to be sober and single. It is hard to meet anyone even though I know that I should not be focusing my energy on meeting someone. I need to be vigilant about my sobriety and do not need a boy (or girl) messing that up. But I have been lonely the past three months. And honestly, it is more about being horny than wanting companionship.
Makes me realize there have been times where I wanted to be with someone and I drank to get the courage to make a move. Or if they shot me down, “I was drunk” was my excuse for being so foolish. Not all of my one-night stands were drunken mistakes. With my low self-image, I felt like I accomplished something if a drunk person I wanted slept with me. I have had some boyfriends complain that I had to get drunk to have sex. It made me wonder if I was a lesbian.
I have an ex-boyfriend, whom I dated for a year and half, and I got him drunk the first night we had sex. We started the night sharing a bottle of wine, which was actually the two of us chugging it while waiting in line for a concert. Once inside, I kept buying two beers in the beer line with the excuse it was to save time. He did not have much money because he was traveling. I encouraged him to drink some of my two cups. I do not remember when our first kiss was and the first sex that night was lousy. I thought it was going to be one night but then we started traveling together and it turned into a relationship. But I always questions his TRUE feelings for me and said “if I did not get you drunk that first night, we would never be together!” It is not a good way to start a loving, commitment.
To solve my “dating” sober problem, I asked a friend for help. Isn’t part of recovery reaching out and asking for help?
I texted him: “Trying to figure out how to ask this and if you say no, no problem. But I am finding trying to date sober sucks. Would it ever be okay to come visit for a booty call?”
I did not realize he did not have my phone number saved in his phone. Thankfully he guessed who it was. I responded that it is a good thing he doesn’t have many sober friends. He did not think I was serious. When I assured him I was, he said I can visit whenever for what any reason.
But his best response was “you’re not giving up on sobriety, are you?” That made me so happy. It made me think he is more concerned for my sobriety than getting laid. That is a good friend. A good friend with benefits! He can be my temporary playtoy. My sex sponsor.
I am just really nervous how this is going to work sober. I have had “fuck buddies” in the past but alcohol was always involved. Sober sex? I guess I need to learn to get used to a lot of activities in a sober state. Sober dancing. Sober concerts. Sober knitting.
Just kidding. I do not know how to knit. But maybe I can learn.
Mistake # 104- I lost my purse with my wallet and a nice jacket from London, but not my phone. I was kicked out of a bar for being too drunk. I do not remember if the night started out with friends but I know I was in the bar alone when kicked out. Since I had no wallet, I could not pay for a taxi. I drunk texted a few friends asking for a ride. One guy offered to come pick me up to take me home. Then another friend offered me a ride. I replied “it’s okay, a fuck friend is picking me up.” But I accidentally sent the text to the friend that was picking me up. He wrote back “I hope that is not how you think of me.”
I waited for him, sitting on the sidewalk, with my back leaning against the wall. I jumped up when his car pulled up and ran to his car. I apologized for the drunk text and thanked him for picking me up. Then I drunkenly explained we were two friends that had casual sex so we sort of were “fuck friends.” Our friendship fizzled out after that night.
No more drunk texts is one of my favorite sober benefits.