Sober Soup

Today I am 100 days sober.

I still feel I am treading the waters here. It does not feel like I am taking the plunge into sobriety yet. It seems like a test run. A competition. A challenge. Did I win yet?

I feel I have gotten this far with a sober soup. It is a mixture of different things. Belle’s 100 Day challenge was the broth. I added to that daily blogging, reading other sober blogs, reading my journals, reading memoirs such as Carolyn Knapp’s Drinking: A Love Story and Kristen Johnston’s Gutsand reading articles about alcoholism. The support from real life friends and the cyber sober community was like spices added to this soup. It made it work. This mixture kept me from drinking alcohol the past 100 days. (AA meetings were the salt and pepper. I only needed a little bit.)

I feel I have this sober genie sitting inside of me. He sometimes is in my chest. Sometimes my stomach. When I think about having a drink, he punches me. He grabs my esophagus and says “Go ahead but I am gonna make you puke it up and regret it!” He holds a knife to my liver and threatens to rip it apart. He runs into my brain with a napkin soaked in chloroform. I know both booze and that will poison my memory. When I choose not to drink, he flicks his chin up and says “Yea! That is what I THOUGHT you’d do.” He is like a bully but one I need.

I am scared this genie won’t stick around. He is gonna eat all this soup and leave.

265 more days of blogging about mistakes, regrets, and other mishaps from my drinking problem. I have daily blogging to keep me accountable.

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Mistake #100- Was visiting my sister in 2002. We invited a guy that I used to date to go out with us. We ended up at a gay bar. I got wasted and left with some girl. I just left my sister there with a guy that she barely knew. There were some nasty messages on my voicemail when I woke up the next day.

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22 thoughts on “Sober Soup

  1. Congrats on 100 days! I’ve discovered that everyone has a different experience in their sober journey, so hang in there. I feel like when I hit a year, I can actually “begin” my life as a sober person. Today, I’m still digging myself out of my hole. You’re doing awesome!

  2. Pingback: my beginning | Dangling on the edge

  3. Congrats on 100 days! I hope that the “mistakes” that you post aren’t some way of beating yourself up. We do have to be gentle with ourselves too. Sure I did some crummy things while drunk or even while sober, but I also have to see how far I have come in this new part of my life 🙂

    You’re doing great!

    Paul

  4. Congratulations! That is a wonderful milestone and you’ve come a long way. I personally felt a bit flat and anticlimatic after 100 days. It was like ‘ok now what?’ so don’t worry if you feel that way. just keep going. x

  5. Happy 103 days (because I am late)… We all have these heart breaking stories to share and somehow we keep doing it because sober just feels better than drunk. Keep up the hard work. Lisa

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