Put things in Perspective

I was mentally preparing today’s blog. It was going to be about cyber support being better than Facebook friend support. I was upset that I made a post on Facebook about being 90 days sober and only got a few likes. Even the people that seem to “like” every post I make did not click like on this. It made me feel as if I had been ditched. Like no one came to my party. EVERYONE wants to steer away from the sober chick. I was being self-centered and overanalyzing and that was getting me angry.

Then I read a post realizing that one friend that will never know about my sobriety. My friend that was in a coma died today.

I regret not going to see him in January now. But I know I can not change that. I have so many regrets that I can not change. And there might be other friends that I will never see again due to changes in plans or unexpected circumstances.  That is how life goes.

So what if I do not get enough “likes” on a Facebook post? I still have my life and sobriety. Also, it doesn’t mean everyone on my Facebook friends list are against my sobriety. I am sure a few are and many do not understand why I decided to do this. I hid my problem well. And there are some who prefer me as a drunk. Those are people I will not miss.

I do not need every person in the world to accept my sobriety. I just need to accept it. It is my life I am saving. And the support of a handful of real life friends has been helpful.

Last autumn, I read a book Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (while fully clothed and totally sober by Harlan Cohen. It was good. The thing I took from it the most was that there will be thousands of people who will not like me but I need to care about the hundreds that do. I need to focus on the people that support my sobriety and not get upset over those that do not.

Thanks again to everyone who liked and commented yesterday on my 90 day anniversary.
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Mistake # 91- I was at a party at my friend’s house. She lived a mile away from me. She said I got mad at one of our other friends and then disappeared. They did not notice at first. Then they could not find me when they realized I was gone. My car was still out front. They kept calling and calling my phone. I finally answered it. Turns out, I was so mad, I left and walked home. And I must have grabbed my box-of-wine and walked home holding it. I had it on my nightstand.

I do not remember leaving the party. Thankfully I got home okay.

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8 thoughts on “Put things in Perspective

  1. Please don’t think the lack of “likes” means anything! I read your blog daily, faithfully! Consider this my continuous LIKE!!!!! I get it via email…so please understand, I don’t actually check in on your blog…I read it. I won’t delete it in my in box until I have read it. And I gotta believe…there are many many many of us who do the same. ;)!

    • Thanks for reading! But I meant the “likes” on Facebook. I appreciate the likes and comments on here so much but I don’t take it personal if a blog post does not get a response. I was hoping more of my real life friends would show support with a “like” on my FB link. I posted Pink’s video to the song “Sober” and announced “90 days and feeling great.” As of this morning, only 5 likes.
      But then losing a friend made me think I need to not get upset about quantity of likes. There was actually a good art piece about how the Like but to has diminished the meaning of liking something. I will try to find a link.

      • http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/10/like-4-real-burning-man-project-facebook-likes_n_3568634.html

        “”What happens if Facebook vanishes into the digital ether, or the Spring of Eternal Likes dries up one day… will we go bankrupt because of our investments in accumulating Likes?”

        Dadara isn’t really attempting to answer the lofty question. Instead it is planning on constructing a massive effigy acknowledging our shared obsession with social network “liking” in the best way possible — a fiery art project at Burning Man. The giant installation — a golden thumbs-up symbol erected on a black altar — would allow playa visitors to “worship” at the foot of Facebook IRL, before the oversized sculpture is set aflame in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert.”

  2. What I have come to learn is that folks are doing their thing, thinking about what they have going on in their day, may or may not be struggling with something big or small, might be stressed or pissed off, are busy, etc. and not everyone is focused on what I blog about or Tweet or things like that. doesn’t mean they don’t care – but some have less time to cruise FB (i don’t have FB so can’t speak to it), or just pick and choose what they like or not. In the end, I had to realize that the lack of likes on my blog, or lack of comments or lack of numbers (or worse – comparing my numbers to others!) isn’t a reflection of me, or a judgement of me. It just is what it is, and have to remember that I started blogging (and in the bigger picture, got sober) – for me. So, while WP likes to give us stats, as does all other social media, it’s easy to get hung up on them. I did for a long time, and still do at times. Ugh.

    Anyway, congrats again on your 90+.

    I am also so sorry to hear about your friend 😦

    Blessings and prayers
    Paul

  3. I’m sorry that I missed your 90-day post and didn’t say a huge CONGRATULATIONS!!! 90 days really is huge. I could never find a good explanation of why it’s such a big deal in AA but I know when I hit 90 days before it was around that time that I really did feel something had shifted in me.

    I sometimes feel like I don’t comment on your blog as much as I read and think about it (and I’m sorry for that). But I am really loving following your journey and it’s so great to hear you doing so well and making changes and growing in confidence in being sober. And, as I think I’ve said before, I really admire your bravery in sharing your mistakes. I only hope they do not cause you too much shame. You are doing so great.

    • No shame but I do worry if someone I know (or worse, work with) finds it. I sometimes write and then go back and delete names of places to try to keep it more anonymous. No worries about not commenting. I know I can’t follow other blogs daily but I do try to binge read the ones I follow. I will still try to post daily. Thanks for your support.

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