Keep Busy

I went to the gym for my last workout. My two month Groupon membership ends tomorrow.  I tried to go to spinning class but they told me I need a pass. I was supposed to sign up for the class. This is the first time I heard this since coming to this gym. Then I realized because it is a religious holiday, the class is more crowded. I said “nevermind”.

And I could go work out on the machines or weights instead. But being turned away from that class deflated my motivation.

I feel sort of free without a membership now. I do not have to feel guilty if I do not get to the gym for a few days. I do not have to prescribe times to work out. Miss the 8am class? I can go for a bike ride. I do not need a specific time for that. (Just need to get a bike.) If I can not get to the gym before they close? I can go for a late night walk or do arm curls while watching a movie at home.

It reminds me off AA making me feel guilty for missing meetings. Maybe I should try out those online meetings?

I think I will go to a meeting at noon instead today. I need to ask about getting a 90 day chip. If they tell me I can not get one because I do not have a sponsor, I will most likely stop going to meetings in this area. That will make me feel I have more freedom.

I know people will think “oh no! Free time might make you want to drink!” I do not equate free time with boredom. Now if I had nothing to do in my free time, I might desire a drink. But I have a lot of books, movies, and sewing projects to keep me busy. I have so many photos from travels that need editing and posting. I have to look for a new place to live for June and July. I have to study for tests for work. I am considering online courses in May for which to prepare.

So I have a lot of things to keep me busy. I do not need to smell men and women sweating at the gym to exercise.

And once the weather finally warms up, I hope to hit the hiking trails!


Mistake # 87- I had a few days off at work. I spent them drinking and chatting online. I met some guy on a dating site. I was telling him about some of the costumes I own. I invited him over to see them. This was middle of the day during the week. He came over. I did a little fashion show for him. Then we had sex. He left. He had to get back to work.
He ignored my messages and texts after that. I saw him at a few festivals and events and he avoided me. I can only imagine what he told other people.

4 thoughts on “Keep Busy

  1. I just had to let you know that I read your blog almost daily. Your mistakes mirror so many of my own. I applaud you for the courage to post them online…even anonymously. I send you lots of strength and well wishes. I haven’t been able to stop drinking yet but I have cut back. Reading your blog gives me hope.
    Thank you. Take good care.

    • Thanks for commenting and reading. I feel making myself blog daily has been my therapy. It helps me even more if people get something out of it.
      I think only I was the one to decide I needed to quit. I tried moderation and controlling it for more than a decade. Those stints didnt last long. But that is me. This is my problem. Finally realizing I CAN NOT drink, just as much as I can not lick nuclear waste, is helping me stay sober. Good luck in whatever you decide.
      And thanks again for reading.

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