Don’t mind me, I am just sober

Sobriety is not always easy. Now when I do something foolish, what is my excuse? I can’t say “oh I was just drunk” or “I am hungover and not thinking yet.” Is this what people mean about stopping the lies?

“Sorry. I am just a sober idiot.”

I hope not to do anything too foolish. At least, not as foolish as my drunk mistakes. So far I have been making small mistakes like missing an exit because I was daydreaming or forgetting to tell someone at work some information. I call them “brain farts.” Then I wonder how many brain cells died from booze?

I had an interesting conversation with a friend that he thinks drinking gives him a libido. I know drunk me was always a hornier me. I do feel my sex drive has decreased since I stopped drinking. But that might be from 1) the St John’s wort I started taking or 2) not meeting anyone that I desire yet. At least when I do meet someone, I will not embarrass myself with drunk debauchery.  I just might act like a tongue-tied teen. “Um… yea…hi…you want to… like… get coffee?” Maybe I will pass him or her a note and have them check yes or no.

My friend told me how I used to hit on him when I got blackout drunk. He and I used to be “friends with benefits” when we first met thirteen years ago. I used to pass out at his place frequently. I am not sure if we ever had sober sex back then? But he is now married, well, separated. I am friends with the wife. I have not been interested in him the past decade. Yet after his separation last year, I tried to kiss him. I tried to pull him on top of me sitting on the couch while his roommate, the guy I was seeing, was downstairs. I do not remember any of it.

The next morning,  he thanked me. He said it was a nice ego boost after his wife left him. He suggested he get a t-shirt “You know you have a drinking problem when you get so drunk you want sex with me.”

So hopefully even if I make dumb mistakes now, I pray none will be as bad as the ones I did drunk.

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Mistake # 85 – That friend, his roommate, and I were invited to an afternoon of wine and Jacuzzi time. Bad combination.

The host was an older man. He warned us he was gonna go in the hot tub all natural. I decided to do the same. My friends declined and wore bathing shorts.

The heat made that wine go to my head very quick. I remember having conversations in the Jacuzzi. Then I am a bit blurry about accepting a massage from the host. He had a massage table in his house in the living room.

My friends said it sounded like I was really enjoying that massage. Lots of moaning. They were both in the room during it. Then I invited the guy I was seeing to come massage me. This lead to me pulling him on the table with me. The host left the room. I did not seem to care that our other friend was in the room. He said he read a book and kept his eyes averted from us.

We did not have sex. I said something that made my guy start to laugh. He couldn’t stop laughing and had to get off the table. He was drunk too so doesn’t remember it. I don’t remember being on the table with him so I definitely do not remember what I said.

I thanked my friend the next day for not taking photos or video. Missing an exit on the highway can not compare to crazy things I used to do.

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