Alcoheimer

Years ago, my friend and I were in a bar and found a beer magazine. There was a list of drinking definitions. One word it had was “alcoheimer.” It meant the inability to remember what happen when drinking. My friend started laughing real hard. He said that was my condition. We joked for years every time I blacked out “oh must be that alcoheimers! “

I am away for the weekend and my first stop was to visit this friend for the night. I told him I quit drinking before I got here. As soon as I walked in the door, his roommates asked what was I drinking. I said “water or juice.”

Their response: “And? Gin? Vodka? Rum?”

I said “no really. Water is fine. ” They turned to my friend “do we have water?”

He said “yea that handle we turn to wash the glasses? That is water. ” This was even funnier because they are all plumbers.

I did ask for coffee a bit later because I was tired. I am trying to adjust to normal waking hours after 5 nights of night shift work. He had some caramel vanilla coffee but no mugs. He served it in a tall glass. He offered me milk but I declined because the coffee in a tall glass looked like an IPA. I could try to blend in.

The evening was nice with good conversation. Discussed movies. Relationships. Social issues. They drank Budweiser in a can. I told my friend I was glad they were drinking crap beer because I was not tempted. Now if they had Fat Tire or Sierra Nevada, it might have been a struggle for me. Then we discussed drinking and my not drinking.

His roommate asked if I had a problem and I did not feel ashamed admitting that I do. He asked why did I think I have a problem. I gave a brief summary of some of the stupid things I have done drunk. He said “but that is normal. We all lose phones and forget things and do stupid shit.” I said no, that is not normal. I also left out the drunk sex stories and the drunk sex I used to have with my friend. I did not know if his roommates knew.

They made comments they were starting to feel guilty for drinking and I was worried I was gonna be a killjoy. I stressed that drinking was a problem to my life but that doesn’t mean it is a problem for them. They asked “but have you ever lost a job from drinking?” No, not yet. “Well then you don’t have a problem.” I told them if I kept drinking, I could lose my career. It is not worth it. This is more than about cell phones and DUIs. This is a change in my life I want.

I did not mention other negative sides to drinking nor point out the roommate’s sister who was falling over drunk when I arrived at 8pm. She was passed out by 10. They kept apologizing for her behaviour and saying “she is not always like this.” I thought “but I was.” I was not looking down on her but I was so glad I was sober.

The worst part of the night was I had 3 cups of coffee and couldn’t fall asleep until 4am.

I did not write a mistake yesterday because I rushed to post about Alcohol Awareness month before leaving for the weekend. So I will add two today and both related to my friend.
Mistake #73- The first time he and I had sex, I do not remember it. I had a crush on him for a long time but he had a girlfriend when we first met. Right after he broke up with her, he came to visit me. I bought him a lot of shots to celebrate. The girlfriend cheated on him with one of my friends. He was better without her. But I was celebrating “yea he is single!” I blacked out somewhere in the night and woke up with him in my bed. I do not regret sex with him. I just regret not remembering it. In fact, everytime we had sex, I was drunk and don’t remember it.

Mistake # 74- He and some other friends were visiting. We all went out to bars. They said we got a taxi at the end of the night but I could not tell them my address. They were able to give the taxi directions to the subway stop near my house. But I either could not remember my house address or not articulate the words. I could not give the driver directions. He dropped us off a few blocks from my house and the plan was to walk. A walk that should have been 10 minutes took us an hour because I kept taking them down wrong streets.

They said I insisted stopping at a 24 hour Dunkin Donuts. I asked for a bagel. The guy asked if I wanted cream cheese or butter. I replied “yes”.
“Which one?”
“Yes.”
“Both?”
“Yes.”

They told me these stories the next morning. My choice of “cream cheese AND butter bagel” has been an inside joke the past 10 years. I brought some this weekend for breakfast with a few choices of cream cheese. But here I am awake, with no hangover, and gonna have my bagel with brown sugar cream cheese. And more coffee.
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18 thoughts on “Alcoheimer

  1. Hi 365 Reasons,
    I’ve been following your blog for a while now but I haven’t commented yet. I just wanted to say that I really admire your honesty. Not just with your blog posts but also with telling people in your life about your struggles with alcohol. I’m working on this but I still find it really freaky to admit that I have a problem out loud. My partner and my closest friends know but I still haven’t told my family or other friends. I know I will eventually but I’m just not ready.
    I can relate to some of the reasons to quit drinking that you write about. I’ve had my fair share of drunken (and high) debauchery. Even tho the last few years I have sort of “settled down” as far as partying the night away but my drinking has just continued at home. Anyways just wanted to say hello, thanks for sharing and keep at it! I always enjoy your posts very much and it’s very encouraging to a newbie like me :))

    • Thanks for commenting. Part of me wants to yell “I AM SOBER!” to everyone now. But I know not everyone will be comfortable with my sobriety. And when I first stopped drinking, I think reactions from my friends was the scariest thing. I am only 75 days sober but now realizing if friends aren’t going to be supportive, I do not need them as friends. But I think I have decisions like that as a bit easier than most people cause I am constantly moving and starting over in new locations. I am not sure how I would handle it if I lived in the same city x10 years and had to search for new, supportive friends. And it took my mom 2 months to start being supportive.

    • Thanks! It was a little awkward being around my “alcoheimer buddy” without booze. I realized why I had to always get drunk to hit on him is cause he has no game! I think he was trying to invite me to share his bed. He was complaining that his back hurt and could use a massage. I told him to look on Groupon. I slept in his son’s bed and woke up with respect.

      • No way, “a massage”, worst line in the book! I can only imagine how great you must have felt waking up hangover free to have your bagel. Ps brown sugar cream cheese sounds absolutely delicious! We have none of that here in Ireland! Did you have butter too? 🙂

  2. I think it’s great that you are able to be honest with your friends about being sober! I think it will go a long way towards helping to keep you there, in the long run.

    • Thanks! I had a lot of bad experiences with taxis. A few guys have told me when I am in a black out, drunk rage, I refuse to get in taxis. I developed a fear of them. I think I know why but there are still too many things I am not ready to blog about. Not sure if I ever will.

  3. Thank you for sharing this. It makes me feel good to know there are people out there like me, and people who were able to overcome and win the battle against alcohol. Thanks again. I’m so glad I found your blog!

    • Thanks for commenting and following. Haha I think it is funny you say “win”. I am 76 days sober and I dont feel it is a win yet. But I feel I have a lot of little gold stars on the way to collect the big prize.

      • Absolutely! 76 days looks like a very nice goal for me right now. Gotta celebrate each “little gold star” 😉 Congrats. I’ll be happy when I reach my 76 days too.

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