The other night at work, I did something I should not have done. I hope my manager does not find out. I hope she never reads this blog or future employers read this. I could get in trouble for what I did.
I watched movies.
I watched California Solo and Flight. I guess I have been on a movie marathon kick for flicks about alcoholics.
California Solo stars Robert Carlye as a Scottish ex-pop star that gets a DUI while living in California. This leads to the possiblity of being deported. It was a good movie. Brought back some memories of my DUIs. Made me think how the punishment for DUIs in some country is the death penalty.
Flight was an excellent movie starring Denzel Washington. He is a pilot that saves a falling plane but was drunk and on cocaine when it crashed. You watch him deny his problem most of the movie. I felt I could relate to his struggle. My life has been crashing for a long time and I denied I had a problem.
I think it has been the last three or four years that I have actually said out loud “I am an alcoholic but I do not want to stop drinking.” I did not think going sober would be worth giving up my fun. I need to be grateful I stopped before alcohol caused more troubles in my life. I worry I will never completely be free from my DUIs. My record will follow me everywhere.
Now I need to stop watching movies on my phone to avoid trouble at work.
Mistake #48- I stopped at 7-11 to pick up more beer. I was a little tipsy already. I was sitting in my car after my purchase. I was listening to something on the radio that made me laugh. Windows were rolled down. A man walking out of the store saw me and said with a smile “something funny?” I smiled back and shared with him the joke. We chatted and at some point he mentioned he was a police officer. Uh-oh! Shit. He had to smell the beer on my breath and saw me just buy more. But my keys were not in the ignition so I can not get in trouble. I just had to wait until he left.
We talk a bit more and I was surprised when he invited me back to his house. He explained his wife was out of town for a horse show. He was lonely and just wanted company. I guess I was bored so I agreed.
I drove and followed him to his house. He had a beautiful home one block from the oceanfront. I do not remember what was going through my mind. A rich, married cop inviting a young 20-something, strange, drunk girl to his place? I was not worried?
We drank my beers and then some of his beers. I started to realize there was no way I was going to be able to drive home. He told me I was welcomed to stay the night. There was a guestroom. He encouraged me to keep drinking. But eventually he leaned over and kissed me. And that lead to me staying over in his bed.
The next morning I went to get a glass of water in the kitchen. As I was drinking it, I started to read the calendar on the side of the refrigerator. I noticed a doctor’s appointment listed. I recognized the doctor’s name. It was a obstetric/gynecologist. This cheating cop had a pregnant wife!
At the time, I was a secretary and medical aide on a postpartum floor of a hospital. That was why I recognized the doctor’s name. Two months later, I recognized the cop’s last name on the patient census. When the nurse was about to roll the crib with their newborn baby into their room for the first time, I offered to do it for her. I walked in, introduced myself, and asked for the baby bracelet number. His face turned red. He turned around right away and busied himself with something in a suitcase. She was very nice and sweet. I handed her the baby and said congratulations. I tried to stall and stay in room to see if he would turn around. I kept asking her if she needed anything: diapers, bottles, a new husband.
Of course I did not say the last part. I never said anything to anyone. I was probably not the first nor last woman he cheated with. I felt sorry for her and their new child. She would be a teenager now. I haven’t really thought about it much until now.
Alcohol causes so much trouble.
365reasons2sober 
I guess “protect and serve” was not this particular police officers motto.
Sad story.
It’s a sad story, but he is the one responsible for the immoral act there, not you. Ideally, we should all respect the sanctity of the relationships of others, but ultimately only he had the committment, therefore he bears the entirety of the moral culpability.
Oh. And, in the most non-sexual way imaginable: Fuck The Police. Fuck them every which way imaginable. They are bunch evil scumbags. Even the “nice ones” are just the most decent workers at the evil factory. So long as they continue to enforce laws against consensual crimes, they will never be anything but a bunch of dirtbags. I will respect the cops if and when every last person imprisoned for a victimless crime is set free, and no further such people are arrested.
Yeah, this is something I tend to rant about. I’ve never actually had any bad experience with them personally. In fact, they helped me once, when my car was stolen. They got it back for me lickity-split. Like, seriously, 10 minutes after they had taken my report, before I could even call someone for a ride, a cop drives around the corner in my car. That’s some pretty effective law enforcement there.
But then I’m an upper middle class, articulate, heterosexual, white male. The guy who stole my car was a young Mexican guy – 20 years old maybe. And when the cops brought back my car, they gleefully told me that they roughed up the guy who stole it pretty good. I wanted the car back. Punitive violence against the thief? Not so much. But that’s how they roll. A bunch of violent amoral cowards. That’s cops for you.
Yeah, yeah, I know. Chill out, Eric. OK, fine, I’ll try not to rant so much.
Anyways, Don’t stress about the movie thing one bit. I can tell by your prose that you’re way smarter than most people, which means you almost certainly do a better job. I fuck around on the internet all the time at work. Some days I get a lot of stuff done, some days I don’t. You got to look big picture. Is the company doing well? Are you contributing in meaningful ways to that success? If so, then don’t stress. Remember too (and it took me a long time to understand this): most other people are worse employees than you are. Trust me. I used to stress over work all the time – every deadline, every time I was off task, how much better I could be doing my job, etc. Nowadays I’m in a boss role. And it’s like, oh. Wow. Everyone else is even lazier than I am!
Long comment, sorry. Brevity isn’t my strong suit.
I didnt really think I was gonna get in trouble. My manager lets me take naps. I was trying to be funny but explain I spent most my night at work watching movies. My coworkers like me. I dont stress.
I am telling my stories to remind me why I can’t drink and if anyone else has had similar experiences realize they shouldn’t drink. I am not trying to play the victim or look for sympathy. If I was not an alcoholic with low self esteem, I would not have gone to that guy’s house. I would not have sat in a home with a married man and got drunk. Drinking was my way of making myself feel wanted and better about myself. Yes this man was an asshole but I am writing these stories to remind MYSELF of the stupid situations drinking has put me in. I think it is working. I read back over some last night and shook my head and my mistakes. And I was looking at drunk photos on FB today of St Patrick celebrations and did not desire to be part of it. My mistakes are reminding me why I can not pick up that first drink.
And I do not blame all cops for that one asshole but I know there are asshole cops out there. There are asshole doctors. There are asshole lawyers. I shared one story of a man that cheated on his pregnant wife and the reason I shared he was a cop is because I thought he was talking to me cause I was obviously drunk driving. He seemed to have more selfish thoughts on his mind than protecting society from me crashing.
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