45 days: Really Sober

When I first quit drinking, I do not think I was serious about sobriety. I got trashed January 18th and thought about going sober the next morning. Then I got drunk January 21st to “prove” to my friends I had a problem. On the 22nd, I bought a pocket breathalyzer so I could control my drinking. Once my BAC got too high, I would stop.

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I started my roadtrip across the USA that day. I stayed with a friend the first night. I stopped at a gas station to buy him some beer. I knew he loved Landshark.  The gas station had none. I was having inner discussions “will I accept a drink if he offers?” Thankfully, he did not offer me anything but yogurt.

I stayed in hotels the next few nights. The next time I stayed with friends the following Monday, I consciously turned down beer.

45 days sober now. Not the longest I have been sober. But this is my usual time when I start to consider trying to control my drinking.

I have to stop thinking of this as “forever”. Not sure one day at a time is really my thing. I focus and worry about the future too much. I need to think in the present more. Maybe I need to work on meditation.

I am working on short sobriety goals. Today is halfway to 90 days. Three months sober just seems like…wow. That’s like a trimester. It is the beginning of my new life. Maybe I will start showing by then. And I mean showing improvements.

I read and hear about people sleeping better and having glowing skin. I work night shift so I haven’t experienced either. My face actually broke out real bad the last few days. I need more hydration and sleep. Maybe I will treat myself to a facial for 60 days sober.

I bought yellow roses for my 45 days sober. I plan to buy a Pepperidge Farm coconut cake for my 50th day. I have an appointment with a personal trainer that day.  That will even out the calories from the cake.

I marked my calendar for every 10 days of sobriety.

I am giving this BAC track to some friends. I gave them my wine cards (cards to describe types of wine and food pairings) when I tried to go sober in 2007. I hope this is the last drinking paraphernalia I gift them.

Mistake # 38- One morning in October 2001, I woke up hungover. I realized I lost my camera. But I was happy I had my wallet. I had to be at work at 3pm. When I went outside, I realized I lost my car. I searched and searched the parking lot. I couldn’t remember where I parked it and could not find it anywhere. Finally, I called the number posted for the tow company. Turns out, I parked in someone’s assigned spot. My roommate, who owned the condo we lived in, warned me about her neighbors. I was glad she was home to give me a ride to get my car. I had to call in late to work. I paid $150 to get my car back.

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18 thoughts on “45 days: Really Sober

  1. Hey 365 – I just have to comment quick here before I drop. Damn Chinese internet can go F itself. What possible reason would China have for trying so hard to prevent sober people from communicating with one another and thereby keep on staying sober is beyond me. Maybe they just want me to blow money in the bars here, I don’t know. But if so, too bad China.

    Here’s the thing. I feel you. Forever is too damn long. Nobody can stay sober forever. Even if you aren’t down with full blast AA, we can all benefit from the idea of just staying sober until I go to sleep tonight, and worrying about tomorrow, tomorrow. I was so happy to see a fresh post from you this morning, since it’s been a solid 4 days since last I visited sober blog land. Keep on fighting on. I don’t know you, but I’m somehow proud of you, and you help me with every word you type.

    • Thanks. I was just thinking I dont know how long I can keep up daily blogging but it seems to help keep me daily sober. I have been trying to write batches to save as drafts to post when I am too tired. I need to come up with a list of my mistakes to add to the blogs. It is becoming a project that I need to stay committed to.

  2. Thirty years later, I still have dreams of losing my car.

    I wake up every morning. Drag my ass into the bathroom. On the bathroom mirror is taped a little sheet of paper that says:

    Higher power, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

    the courage to change the things I can,

    and wisdom to know the difference.

    I shit shower and shave. Get dressed. Go in the kitchen. Have coffee and read the Hazelden Twenty-Four Hours a Day page for that day. Then say a little prayer asking the HP to keep me away from a drink and a drug for today and help me to be a good person.

    Before I retired, I would go out to my car-that I no longer lose- get in and drive to work. I have the same serenity prayer taped on the car sun visor. To remind me.
    At work, same serenity prayer taped on the wall next to my desk. I also drill a little hole in my yearly sobriety chip and attach it to my key chain. Hit a meeting a few times a week and talk with different sober people in person, on the phone, and online.
    All of this is to remind me of why I am not going to drink or drug today. Tomorrow? Who the fuck knows. But today, with all this help, I am not going to drink.

    It takes a lot of time and energy to be a drunk. It takes a whole hell of a lot less time and energy to be sober. I pick sober. Cause now I have a ton of time to do all the other stuff I love doing.

    • I want to start going to more meetings to meet people. I just get stressed about trying to get to one sometimes. I woke up today, hit snooze a few times, and then tried to figure out gym or meeting before work. I decided gym. And I wish my area had later meetings. I know sometimes in cities there are 10 or 11pm meetings. But I am in the suburbs so latest are 8:30. I am trying to commit time to exercising. I want to lose 10lbs by 100 days sober. Maybe I am just making excuses. I want to have time for the gym, blogging, reading, my 12 hour shifts and meetings. But I am nut gonna stress about not taking the time for a meeting. I am sober and that is good for now.

      • You are exactly the right weight now. If I could do just one thing in this world, it would be to convince every woman that she is beautiful exactly as she is. Women suffer so much over their appearance, and are told all the time how they are somehow inadequate. It’s horrible. You are beautiful. I guarantee it. I’ve never seen you, but I guarantee you are gorgeous, and it’s only in your head that you will ever be anything else.

      • 365
        I think what I am trying to say in the post above is I hardly do anything. I just put these things around me, to remind me. What did you do with your 30 day chip?

    • Hey 365
      Reading and writing blogs is an good way to take the pressure off and stay focused. We all need something. Any help we can get is good.

      Eric is right about body image. You ever go online and see pics of glamorous celebrities when they are not wearing make up, hair isnt done, and wearing normal clothes?

      • For me it is more about being healthy, not having back pain, and having better endurance. When I was fitter and doing a lot of yoga, I slept better, back felt better, and I had better controlled breathing when diving. It is not an appearance thing as much as wanting to avoid diabetes and heart disease.

      • Word up to that. Hey, if you feel better and are happier carrying less weight, then I wish you all the best in that. I really shouldn’t have an opinion about it, because I live on fatty foods and can’t ever seem to make it over 180. And I’m 6 foot 4. So, people tend to understandably roll their eyes when I comment on diet, and say, “high metabolism over here has no idea.”

  3. Eric1100 paces that is the nicest thing I have ever heard a man say to a woman, especially one he has never met. Thank you and I believe that to…being healthy is one thing but being skinny is not always healthy!!! Just try to be the best version of yourself that you can be….don’t compare yourself to anyone but the person you were yesterday….Love reading your blog too Eric. Maybe that is your calling to get the sober revolution started in China!!! My name is Kelly. I am 6 days sober but I that is the only relapse in 100 days, as of today.

    • Keep on fighting the good fight Kelly. We can do it together! Based on your user name, I’m guessing we were born the same year. 42/43 is a good age to get sober. We’re old enough to have tried everything else, and young enough to still have a lot of years in front of us. If you feel like drinking, shoot me a comment or an email or something, and I will respond as soon as I can, I promise. I’m new too, so I don’t know a lot, but I can listen and commiserate at least, and maybe say what’s kept me away from booze in similar moments. You’re doing something amazing right now!

      • Thanks Eric! Yes you would think that 24 years (I am 42) of trying the same thing over and over and never getting a different result would let me know how insane I have been. Yes being an alcoholic is not going to be the way I go out of this world. I have more to offer myself than poison my soul. Thanks to everyone our there in Soberland for staying in touch and be so real with your personal sobriety. We are not alone and together we are stronger…. Kelly

  4. Congrats on 45 days. Cake sounds really delicious. Don’t worry too much about the calories right now. You say your trainer appt will balance out the calories — I say your staying sober far outweighs the calories.

    Do whatever you have to do to not drink. Get to 100 days, let your brain reset itself. Don’t give up on yourself.

    -christy

    • reading this again at day 80. Haven’t lost any weight but I have gain more sober days! I think I have replaced the carbs from beer with carbs from junk and bread. Too many donuts and bagels! I need a 12-step carb program.
      Thanks Christy for your comments and support along the way! I swear I was thinking of your blog name yesterday when I thought of maybe taking up running. I am worried about my knees but I might give it a try.

      • Running can strengthen knees actually if you just start slow. Couch to 5k is an excellent beginner program –link is on my blogroll under running.

        Eat the carbs… But yeah try to add in some exercise too. Then you’ll have sugar and endorphins, best of both worlds.

        (I really wouldn’t stress the weight until 6 months or so. Maybe even a year. You can always lose the weight, you don’t want to risk your sobriety just yet. Strengthen that foundation a bit more (and your knees too, lol).)

        Congrats on 80!!!

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